Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
