we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
