don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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