We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
barbara walters just said penis...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
we're so committed to being not committed
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize