Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
