omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
