I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
