I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
