i just wanna soil my oats bro
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
