i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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