i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
