I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
