when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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