yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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