great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
