You work out of a Hotel?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
