We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
