ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
