i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Can I color on your dick again?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
