idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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