...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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