Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
