i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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