just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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