We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
