I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
