New low: just hacked my moms facebook
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
