Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
