there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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