The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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