well I can't set my house on fire every night
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
