im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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