Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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