Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
