i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
