I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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