You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
