A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
