Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
