I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
