guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
