Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
