I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
