I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
