I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
