Dual....:-)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
