How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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