do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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