Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you inspire me to be a worse person
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
