super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
