Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
